Monday, December 05, 2005

Nametags, health care and a flying car in every garage

I am a man of great ambition. It started off small, as a child I wanted nothing more than to be President of The United States of America. I soon grew out of that small goal when I saw the cartoon “Pinky and the Brain.” I now wanted to rule the world. But as I grew older I realized that the world was not enough. I mean why have the world when you can have the universe.
It is now with great joy that I announce my candidacy for “Supreme Commander of the Universe.” As your Supreme Commander I will make some changes that I hope we can all agree will make things better for us all.
The first thing I will do is to create a new law stating that all people will be required to wear nametags. This will make the universe a kinder place. How you ask, I shall explain.
Say you’re walking down the street and you see some one, well now instead of a polite nod or a little smile. You can now say, hi Bob and Bob could reply nice to see you George. See don’t you think that that is a better world.
It has also been a theory of mine that if a criminals know your name they would be less likely to rob or hurt you. It may not pan out but hay it is worth a shot.
Second I would address the ever-increasing cost of health care. To do this I will go straight to the source – lawyers. I will out law lawyers and form tribunals of experienced health professionals to decide disputes that come form hospital mishaps.
Next I will address the shortage of doctors and nurses. To increase the amount of doctors I will provide grants to all those who wish to go into the health care profession. It can cost in excess of $100,000 to become a doc and that just isn’t right. My grant program will allow all those willing and able to follow this noble path. Lastly anyone who couldn’t pay for health care wouldn’t have to, it’s that plane and simple.
Third, the flying car! To quote Kevin Smith’s short film “The Flying Car,” “It’s times like this it occurs to me we were lied to by the ‘The Jetsons.’” That show and many others promised us we would all have flying cars by now.
It’s 2005 almost 2006. We can put a man on the moon, we have mastered the atom and we still don’t have a flying car? How can this be? Being the conspiracy junky I am (yes I have more interest than iced tea) I have to belief that the flying car exists and it is the government keeping this from the public. But when I’m the government I will release this great technology to the people, where it belongs.
Remember on Election Day a vote for McConnell isn’t just a vote for a better universe but a vote for nametags, health care and a flying car in every garage.


Post a Comment

<< Home